How to eliminate negative self-talk

This is an old cognitive behavioral exercise with a new twist that makes it very powerful. There are basically three steps to the process:

  1. Acknowledge the negative statement that has to do with how you view yourself, perhaps a core belief that you feel strongly is you. Write it down.
  2. Create a series of counter statements. Things that you know about yourself that show you how the negative self-statement is not all of you or not you at all. Begin by finding one example of how the first statement is not always true and write it down. No doubt other examples will soon follow once you start to think about it seriously.  If you are stuck get a trusted friend to help.  They may see parts of you that you don’t.
  3. Now write one or a series of statements of how grateful you are to have all of those counter examples. Don’t just write about the gratitude but feel it in your heart. Be aware of the internal shift that occurs as you can no longer fully engage in the original negative statement because it just isn’t true

First example:

  1. I don’t deserve to have successful life.
  2. Well successful has lots of parts to it. I feel very successful in keeping my home a delightfully pleasant place to live. I feel a lot of joy when I work in my gardens. I actually love the work that I do. (Do not make qualifiers. For example, you might be tempted to say, “I love my work but I can’t stand my boss.” Just let the first statement stay. Your boss may be another issue altogether.)
  3. I am immensely grateful for my beautiful home, for my gardens and for my work, which provides the abundance to get my bills paid on time. Yeah!
  4. If you wanted to carry it further you might begin to explore other ways that you can create a feeling of success in your life. Or you could take a look at what does “success” really mean to YOU. It may not be about fulfilling someone else’s idea of what success “should” mean to you. Perhaps it’s an old parental expectation that really belongs to them and not to you. Or what the message your culture gives to you about what success “should” mean. Whenever there is a “should” it is usually a good signal that it is someone else’s voice telling you what you “should” do. Do your best to find your own voice.

Second example:

  1. I am not good enough.                                                              I don’t deserve to have true love. I am scared to really trust.
  2. I absolutely deserve to be loved by him because it feels so natural.                                                                                    I am a good person. I am learning to love myself. He’s my peace, my happiness. I do trust him. I don’t trust other women and I have no control over their behavior. I am a very loving person. He likes how much I love him. He and I are very compatible. I am learning to trust that love is enough and won’t go away. (A positive heart’s desire today creates a positive future.)
  3. I am very grateful for the way he loves me every day. He helps my dad. Whatever I need he is there for me. He always makes time for me and is thoughtful. I can feel his love in my heart.

Third example:

  1. I am a terrible mother.
  2. I talk with my daughter. I make opportunities for her to be involved in activities. I am very affectionate with her. I tell her I love her. I tell her a lot how great she is.
  3. I am glad that I am aware of her needs. I am grateful that we can talk and feel close. I am grateful that I am doing my best to provide as much stability as possible for her.

Take the time to create your own negative self statements, counter statements and gratitude statements.  This is a powerful way to recreate the way that you feel about yourself and how others experience you.

Published by

Carol Marcy

As a holistic clinical psychologist, I view therapy as a deeply spiritual process that occurs within the Primordial Field of Awareness without prejudiced toward any spiritual tradition. The process of therapy involves the whole person: body, mind, spirit and emotional body and a relationship with Nature. It is a process of becoming more self-aware. I enjoy inviting clients to take a journey of self-discovery, examining old ways of being which no longer feel right, changing to new ways and perhaps opening up to new possibilities not before imagined. The heart-centered approach helps to facilitate this process from a positive and life affirming foundation. It not only deeply affects how someone feels about his or herself but naturally moves into how one relates to and is responded to by family, friends, workplace environments and home communities. My office is located on 62 acres of beautiful Southern Maryland woodland. Prior to beginning my day I spend time meditating and connecting with Nature, taking particular care to be centered in my heart. I have written one other book, Living Life as a Prayer: a guide to healing and wholeness, which is available on Amazon.com. This book invites you on a sacred journey of self-discovery. The ways and means to take that journey are demonstrated through poignant stories, illustrative poems, prayers from a variety of traditions, rituals, lively visualizations and step-by-step guidelines. All of these support the basic premise: you are the living prayer that is offered every moment of every day to all of life everywhere through the words you speak, actions you take, feelings you express and thoughts that you think. This book is a guide to help you consciously construct that prayer. Living Life as a Prayer helps you create and manifest a way of life that honors your natural state of being. This natural way is to live in the flow of the grace of Divine energy and to move into the world from the place of a loving heart. Your loving heart not only embraces other people and all of life, but yourself as well. It has been said, “love yourself enough to love another.” You are the prayer that is being offered to the Great Spirit, to the unnamed force that runs through all of life. You are the healing force in the Universe. A bumper sticker reads, “World peace begins at home.” Home is in your own heart. You have the power to bring peace to the world by creating peace in your own heart. Part of the process of becoming a living prayer that you are comfortable with and happy to manifest is to learn to open your heart without fear. There is a 2 CD set filled with helpful meditations, a DVD illustrating three movement meditations and a workbook that follows the chapters in the book offering a deeper personal exploration of the principles discussed.

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